A Dance of Hearts
by Morrigan428
Summary: Set after the War, it comes time for Quatre to be wed by arrangement. But his new wife is still in love with another from her past.


GW: PG RATED...A Dance of Hearts, Tuesday 10-Oct-2000 14:54:00,DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'em. *sob* And no money comes from this writing...and if there is I'm surely not receiving it...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Poem at the end is also written by yours truly...and Desiree is mine...or rather Quatre's er I made her up!

PG RATED WARNING: LIME!!! Does that answer your question? Umm...if you don't know what "lime" means then there is suggestive content within that may educate the younger more than want to be... Oh yes and this fic is VERY angst.

A DANCE OF HEARTS

"Master Quatre I believe we've finally found a suitable match." Rashid said.

As Quatre sat at his desk a flicker of dread passed across his features as he heard and registered Rasid's words in his mind. It was the moment he had feared and dreaded for six months now. He looked up at the tall Maganac tentatively.

"Who is it?"

"Her name is Desiree Lerach." Rashid informed, unsympathetic to Quatre's pouty look. This HAD to be done. Quatre was aware of it. He was born to privilege and with it came certain sad responsibilities. Especially now. He had been putting this off long enough.

"What sort of background is she from?" Quatre asked trying to sound curious despite the fact that he felt like a tremendous weight had been dropped on his chest.

"Just as you asked. She is from a different colony. Colony L-3. Not of a rich family. She's a peasant to put it bluntly." Rashid's displeasure was apparent as he informed his young master of this. Why he had insisted she be of the common classes was beyond him. He continued " As far as family goes it's safe to say she has practically none."

"What do you mean?" Quatre asked confused.

"Just a twin brother. But she isn't sure who or where he is or if he's even still alive. She was raised an orphan after the war. She was adopted but both her parents were killed in the Gundam Wars." Rashid read off from a paper in a file then looked up briefly at the blond haired boy worriedly then went back to the report." We've identified her brother after running tests and such."

"Oh?" Quatre stated simply wondering if he should be especially interested in this. All he wanted was to be left alone to think about his situation. Rashid stayed silent. So in awkward interest Quatre raised his eyebrows. "Do I know him?"

"Yes Master Quatre you do."

"Well?" Quatre prompted starting to lose patience.

"Her brother's name as she remembers it was Anthony Lerach. Today we know him as the Shinigami- Duo Maxwell."

"Duo has a sister?" Quatre asked raising from his seat amazed.

"Yes..." Rashid raised a hand in a stopping motion telling Quatre to take his seat. "...But Duo doesn't know it and she doesn't know it's HIM. So until they are actually face to face I don't think it'll be wise to mention it."

"You want to keep this from them?" Quatre asked confused again. Duo was now going to be almost family. Surely, he should know it. "Why?"

"What she will be experiencing as it is will be very traumatic for her and for you. Neither of you will need unnecessary distractions. Things will be tough enough. AFTER all is well and good then tell them." Rashid explained.

"Yes in a way I can see your point of view. Thank you Rashid. Leave me her file I'll look at it." 

Rashid nodded laid the file in front of Quatre on his desk and promptly left. For what only seemed to be seconds but were really minutes Quatre stared at the file absently.

This was it he finally said to himself after he realized he had let his mind slip away thinking and feeling nothing. 'I can hide from nor shirk my responsibility no more. I'm of age and the Colonies and peace DEMANDS it.'

He picked up the folder and opened it. The front page boasted of a photograph of Desiree. She had long brown hair and violet blue eyes. Her face was heart shaped and her frame small. She WAS pretty. If one looked close enough one could see the resemblance she had to Duo.

Yet, somehow even the knowledge that she was pretty and was related to a dear friend of his was no comfort. What he had to do; what SHE had been chosen for made him half-sick. But the Colonies, Earth, and his position itself obligated him to it. It was one of the reasons he had run away before and in some ways wished he had DIED in battle. Closing his eyes, he swung around to look out the window behind him at the Colony's population below.

"Desiree Lerach I guess you have the honor of being my bride." Quatre said aloud with only the slight breeze to listen.

TWO MONTHS LATER...

"Mr. Winner?" Quatre's secretary's voice sang over the intercom.

Quatre looked up briefly hit a button and resumed writing his report as he spoke. "Yes?"

"There's a Miss Desiree Lerach here to see you."

"Desiree?" Quatre whispered into the silence of his office. "Send her in."

He set his pen aside and looked up at the door with a mixture of anticipation and wonder. They weren't supposed to meet until that night. A few minutes later the door opened to reveal the in person form of his fiancée'. Quatre stood as he saw a timid expression on her face as she closed the door. She lingered in the shadows for a moment then with a look of utter determination yet fear in her eyes she stepped forward into the light.

After a brief pause of silence between them she spoke. " Mr. Winner?"

"Miss Lerach." Quatre acknowledged.

What was she doing here? They would have been meeting for the first time tonight anyway. They would be alone. Why was she here now? He looked at her more critically and realized the photo he had been given of her did her an injustice. She wasn't just PRETTY she was BEAUTIFUL.

"I just got in from the spaceport. I felt it best if I didn't postpone our meeting," she said in a business like tone.

"May I ask why?" Quatre inquired confused.

"So all the ...awkwardness will be gone of first introductions. After all it is a marriage contract we will be participating in not a business meeting." she stated matter-of-factly.

"Yes. I see what you mean." Quatre said with a slight blush. He motioned to a chair in front of him. "Please sit down."

She came forward, seated and situated herself, then looked up at Quatre with a look of both shyness and displeasure. Quatre reseated himself as he exchanged another look of shyness and wonder with her. They sat in silence for several moments. Both felt uncomfortable. Absently Quatre began to fidget with his pen. He looked up at her and racked his brain for something to say as she looked around the room then past him out the windows.

"How was your flight?" he asked concentrating his gaze on his pen.

"It went well I suppose. I've only been off colony once before- when I was adopted and taken to L-3." she answered.

"Then it must've been sort of an adventure for you." Quatre commented completely unhappy with himself for not asking a more informal question.

"I've had enough adventures to last a life time," she said bitterly. The wars were still fresh in her mind.

Quatre blushed crimson. Was she accusing him of something? But then she was right. He'd seen his share too. "I understand" he whispered.

'No...No he doesn't understand. HE is the reason my parents are dead. HE had been a Gundam pilot. Wasn't it enough that I have forgiven ANOTHER of these cursed men who piloted one of those wretched machines? Wasn't it enough that I had come to... no... I mustn't think of it. I must TRY to see beyond the war...beyond it all. I am promised to him by FEDERAL law. I have no choice.'

She felt a tear begin to slide down her cheek as she realized Quatre was staring at her with concern. She looked at him briefly and realized he had no choice in this either. If he was truly as gentle and sweet as she had been told he would try to make the best of this and make her happy. Surely, she must TRY to see beyond the past and her own feelings.

"Are you okay?" Quatre asked standing up leaning forward and placing a hand on her cheek.

Pulling away from the touch as if it was painful, she wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked away and said, "Yes. Fine."

Quatre looked down at this hand with a hurt look and sat back down. 'I always knew I would have to face this someday. Especially after the war was over and I became Relena's Prime Minister of the Sanc Kingdom, Earth, and the Colonies. This young woman was never raised with the knowledge that her destiny was to marry someone she did not love. I wish I could set her free from this. But I can't. It's too late. The contracts are signed. It's been announced. All that is left is the ceremony and the consummation. How can I consummate our relationship in the manner that is demanded?

"I'm sorry you were forced into this." Quatre said swinging his chair around and looking out the windows. "You probably have many painful memories that won't leave you in peace." Quatre closed his eyes as before them in his mind he saw the Colony he had destroyed blow up in front of him as if it was just happening. His voice began to break as he spoke " As do I. Some I can never even hope to see them die."

"I think I should leave. Go set up my belongings at the Winner estate." she said behind him her voice absent of emotion but Quatre knew there were still tears in her eyes.

"Yes. Perhaps it'll be a good idea. I'll see you tonight. We'll be dining at home not out." Quatre said trying to mask his own voice over.

"Home...yes...I suppose I should start calling it home now." Desiree whispered to herself as she got up and began to leave.

She turned around and saw a sight she never thought she would have from ANY former Gundam pilot tears were falling from his eyes streaming down his cheeks. 

"Until tonight then." she called to him.

He wiped the tears away quickly as he picked up a pen and nodded while resuming the work on his report. 

"Until tonight."

~~~*~~~~

Quatre awaited hi dining partner at the large wooden table. All the platters were now served it was time to begin and she STILL wasn't there. When he saw one of the servants pass through he stopped her.

"She DOES know that dinner is NOW doesn't she?" 

"Yes sir." she answered in a cheery voice.

"Then WHY isn't she down here yet?" Quatre inquired- his usual quiet tone diminishing with his patience.

"I don't know sir. Perhaps she's having problems getting ready." the servant offered by way of explanation.

Quatre threw her a sideways glance as he turned to face forward and waved a hand in dismissal. He began to drum his fingers on the table. 'What was taking so long? Is she even coming?'

Just as that thought passed the dining room door opened and Desiree slipped in silently attired in a white evening dress that Quatre had bought her as a welcoming gift. Her long hair was bound up in a mixture of braids and curls. Around her neck she wore a sapphire necklace that contrasted nicely with the whiteness of her gown. The sight of her took his breath away and he forgot all about being upset with her. She was so beautiful.

"Please forgive my tardiness. I was having problems with my hair. Then I couldn't find the earrings to match my necklace. THEN my shoes decided to..." she tried to explain as she sat down catty-cornered to him and placed her napkin on her lap. She stopped when Quatre held up a hand to quit.

"I get the picture. For what it's worth you look very beautiful and I am most pleased with the effort you took in your grooming." Quatre said formally. "You look like a jewel."

He rang a bell and servants brought in their plates- already fixed and still warm. Glasses of wine and water followed.

"Well you're welcome to look I guess." Desiree said as she picked up a fork, ready to dive in.

Quatre blushed at the words then grabbed his wineglass and took a couple deep gulps of the liquid. Desiree eyed him suspiciously.

"I thought Muslims didn't drink."

"Who told you I was a Muslim?" Quatre asked teasingly.

"Well your Arabian aren't you?" she asked in an accusing voice. 

"Yes I'm an Arabian. But that doesn't mean I'm a Muslim." Quatre said and took another sip of wine.

"Well if you're not a Muslim WHAT are you then?" Desiree asked incredulous.

"A Christian." he answered simply.

"But you are head of a Maganac Core...they're Muslim." she said putting her fork down with a clunk.

"Yes but you see my father was Arabian which labels ME Arabian but my mother...she is...WAS French and a Christian. When she died my father decided to raise me as a Christian...in her memory I guess." Quatre explained. He wasn't going to tell her about being a test tube baby.

"I see...no, I don't...nevermind." Desiree finished with a shrug and resumed eating.

"Is your room to your satisfaction?" Quatre asked after a couple minutes.

"Yes. It's very...," Desiree thought about the spacious room. It was a bit TOO rich for her. She had been afraid to touch anything. "...BIG."

Quatre raised an eyebrow. "But do you LIKE it?"

She looked up at him sheepishly. He seemed so eager to please her. He had a little pleading look in his eyes- one that she couldn't bear to hurt even if she tried. "Yes I just need to get used to it."

"Used to it?" Quatre cocked his head confused.

"There's just so many expensive things in it. I'm not used to that." she explained.

"Oh." Quatre felt relieved. He wanted to make her happy in every way he could.

They ate in silence for the next couple of minutes when finally the question Quatre had been expecting came up.

"When is our wedding set?" She didn't look up at him as she asked her question softly.

Quatre shifted and began to toy with his chicken. "Three months from today. Have you seen the dress patterns they wanted you to look at?" he asked looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

She nodded. "I'm not sure which one I like. Whoever chose them had exquisite taste."

Quatre felt a smirk cross his features. Point one for him. He erased the smirk as he stuffed his mouth full of rice.

"Who picked them out?" she inquired taking a sip of wine.

She looked over and saw him blush.

"YOU picked them out?" she asked with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

It was a picture she found very amusing. She could just see him- a former Gundam pilot- looking through a bunch of bridal magazines scrutinizing and analyzing each one until he had settled on a set number of choices to narrow down the headache she would go through. She smiled behind her wineglass.

"What about the rest of your wardrobe? Do you like it?" Quatre asked the pleading look back in his eyes.

"Yes. Did you pick them out too?" she had to ask.

He shrugged. "Most of it."

"What kind of wedding will it be?" Desiree asked next as if it was a friend getting married not her.

"A short one I hope." Quatre said stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork.

"You don't know?" Desiree asked looking as him as if he was terminally ill.

"No Relena is taking care of it." Quatre said. "She wouldn't let me do anything else but pick out some choices for cakes and the bridal party's choice of dress."

Desiree covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. She had met Relena before she came to be with Quatre. Somehow, she wasn't surprised. She liked Relena and she could talk to her easily. The matters they discussed at times were very...personal. A worrying thought came to her. She hoped their wedding ceremony would not be as Relena's was. Her's was TOO grand. TOO public and far TOO long.

"Where will it be held? Here?" Desiree asked. The gardens she had noticed would make a lovely place for a wedding.

"On Earth. In a church. That's all I know. Relena won't tell me anything else about it." Quatre said annoyance clearly in his voice.

Wasn't it enough that he couldn't choose WHO he married? Now he couldn't even choose HOW he got married. He saw a flicker of disappointment flash across Desiree's face.

"What is it?"

"I just hoped it wouldn't be so formal. Like out in the estate's gardens or something. A lot less expensive." she finished.

She was DEFINATLY Duo's sister. Informal was the LEAST you could say about Duo and Hilde's wedding. He couldn't help but agree with her though.

"Yeah it would be nice. But they want it to be a big formal affair." Quatre rolled his eyes as he placed the last morsel of food he had on his plate on his tongue.

"My life isn't going to be like Princess Diana's was back in the 20th century will it?" she asked slightly annoyed.

There were some things she felt should be kept personal. Her marriage was one of them. Sure she didn't love Quatre yet but how could she grow to if she was never left alone with him? HIM, not the public Quatre but the private one.

"No that won't happen. Any reporter caught doing anything even remotely like it was then is arrested for trespassing or disturbing the peace." Quatre assured her.

"Good. Will your fellow pilots be there?" she asked looking away stirring her food around.

"Yes..." His facial expression darkened. "Except for one...the one who mattered most- Trowa. He would have been my best man if he could come." Quatre looked down hurt. Trowa hadn't even told him why he would not come just that he couldn't.

"Trowa?" Desiree looked confused. She knew of no former Gundam pilot named Trowa. But other than Quatre, Heero was the only one she knew for sure by name. Well... she knew another. But his name wasn't Trowa. "You said he would have been your best man. If he's not going to be, who's stepping in?"

"Heero...even though Duo would have been a better choice." Quatre's eyes widened. He wasn't supposed to tell her yet.

"Duo? You mean the one called 'The God of Death'? Why him? You closer?" she asked clearly confused.

"Well, no...Yes...pretty much the same." Quatre said a blush rising to his cheeks and spreading.

"Are you hiding something from me?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Um..." How could he get out of this one? "It's a wedding gift so I can't tell you."

"The reason you prefer Duo as your best man is a wedding gift?" she asked clearly thinking he was losing it.

Quatre flashed her a nervous smile then rang the bell for dessert. Desiree snickered slightly. She had to admit she liked him. It probably wasn't wise but she did. They were brought their dessert and again they ate in awkward thick silence. Desiree stared ahead looking at the intricate detailing in the woodwork of the baseboards and ceiling.

"Other than Heero have you met any of my fellow former Gundam pilots?" Quatre asked breaking the silence. She seemed as if she might know at least one of them.

There was a long pause before she decided to answer. "Yes, I know one of them." She looked down at her food and gently pushed the plate away. "I think I need to excuse myself, I'm full." She looked at him. He noticed a hurt look had crept into her eyes.

"Okay goodnight."

He watched her stand as she said goodnight to him then, with a flicker of remorse, he watched her leave. Had he done or said something wrong?

"Your path together is going to be difficult Master Quatre." Rashid said from the doorway nearest the blond.

Quatre looked at the Maganac and stood. "I'm done. I'll be in the gardens if I'm needed. Goodnight Rashid." Quatre said then walked the length of the long room to the door at the far end where Desiree had left earlier.

Rashid had expressed his displeasure over his choice of bride that was not of a wealthy family numerously. He didn't understand. Rich people seemed to lose something in their personality. They weren't true to who they were most of the time. Those who had no wealth had learned to cherish love over money, wealth, and status. THAT was what Quatre wanted and would try to achieve in his marriage. He had to if he was truly to reach his ideal of peace.

~~~~*~~~~

'Why?' Desiree asked in her mind. 'Why did things have to be this way? This poor, poor man.' He was doing all he could to please her and make her happy- yet all it did was make it hurt more. How could she return his kindness...his openness...his effort to try and make this work out when her heart belonged to another? Quatre deserved better. He deserved someone who could plunge into this body, heart, soul, and mind. She could go into this with all of those things save one- her heart. As it stood all she could be right now was nothing more than his lover or his friend or in a sense both...but not in the sense marriage demanded. Or at least not in the sense it was meant to be.

"Oh Quatre...you poor sweet thing. I don't deserve you," she said through her tears as she collapsed on her bed in violent sobs.

~~~~*~~~~

Why is Rashid so against this? Was there something more about this than he had told him? She fit his...requests nearly perfectly. 'Will she be happy here though? Will I he happy with her? We don't know each other at all. What made her the "suitable match"? She had to have some quality they favored above all else.' After all, his ideal was a far cry from THEIRS.

'How will I go about this? How do two people who don't know each other become...' he felt a blush come to his face at the word 'lovers. Because no one can truly fall in love in JUST three months.' Especially since they will hardly see each other in those three months. He had business trips and other things that HAD to be done before the wedding. The wedding and the consummation will be very empty of feeling. 'How did Wufei do it? He didn't even LIKE his wife. At least I like my fiancée''.

Quatre found a small solace in that thought yet a wedding night without genuine love between him and his partner seemed wretched. He forced himself not to curse his ideal, his job, and his POSITION. Since the war ended, he had never truly taken anything by force or guile. During the war he did but never truly wanted to. He never thought he would in the first place. And of all the things he could have imagined taking by force, never once did he believe it would be a bride.

~~~~*~~~~~

THREE MONTHS LATER:

"Rashid I'm going to tell her!" Quatre stated determined.

"Master Quatre it's your WEDDING day! You're not even ceremonially married yet! Why complicate all the emotional hiatus with more?" Rashid tried to reason.

"Why keep it from her?" Quatre asked coldly.

"Duo is in the wedding party. If you tell her before the wedding even takes place she may want to adjust it and we're all nervous as it is!" Rashid exclaimed gesturing wildly.

"I'm AWARE of how nervous we all are Rashid! I'M a nervous wreck! I just think it'll break the monotony of it all if she and Duo meet and know they are brother and sister. I'm going to tell her." Quatre concluded.

He finished tying his bow tie to his tux and stepped outside the room. Looking around he saw Duo off in a corner with Wufei and Heero. He walked up to them exchanged a greeting with them and promptly grabbed Duo by the wrist and pulled him away as he walked.

"Man, I've heard of jitters but I've never heard of needing help in escaping." Duo commented as he was led through the estate and up the stairs leading to where the ladies were taking care of Desiree. "Hey man! Where are we going?"

"I need you to meet my fiancée'." Quatre said as they finally reached the end of the stairs and rounded a corner.

"Can't it wait until AFTER the wedding?"

"No." Quatre stated still leading him by the wrist.

"Quatre man, I have NO objections to meeting beautiful women and all that...and I heard your fiancée' is a real looker but I prefer to do it with their clothes ON! I'm married remember?" Duo asked as they finally came to the door.

Quatre did not pay any attention. He was too busy knocking on the door.

"Yes? Who is it?" they heard Relena say on the other side.

"It's me, Quatre."

"And me!" Duo shouted.

"What do you want?" Relena asked her voice louder telling them she was by the door.

"We need to come in!" Quatre shouted.

"Haven't you ever heard it's bad luck to see your bride just before the wedding? And in her dress too?" Hilde chirped from within.

"Yeah, can't it wait?" Relena asked.

"No." Quatre said growing impatient. He was already nervous, he didn't need to be put off now.

"Quatre...hey! What are you doing?" they heard Relena say as the door swung open to reveal a dazzling Desiree.

She didn't even really look at them, she just returned to her spot in front of the mirror.

"Oh this is bad. This is very, very bad." Hilde said shaking her head.

"It's just superstition Hilde... Yes? What is it?" Desiree asked turning to look at them.

Quatre stepped inside while Duo remained out in the hall. "I need you to meet someone."

"Okay..." Desiree responded with a look of confusion. What was so important about THAT?

"Duo, get in here!" Quatre yelled.

Duo did a double take. He had never heard Quatre yell before. He stepped inside and eyed him. "You REALLY ARE nervous aren't you?"

Quatre threw him a lopsided grin then turned back to Desiree. He was about to say something when he saw the look on her face. It was one of disbelief and in a weird way, hope.

"Anthony?" she whispered narrowing her eyes as she looked at Duo.

"Huh?" Duo looked at her as if she had lobsters crawling out of her ears.

"Anthony Lerach? Anthony?" Desiree repeated coming forward as if spell bound.

Anthony Lerach? The name sounded familiar to Duo but from where? Why?

She stood in front of him now looking as if she was about to cry. "Anthony?" She looked at Quatre. "Quatre?"

"Yes..." Quatre replied softly. Her gaze shifted back to Duo with a smile as tears formed in her eyes.

"Hey what's going on?" Duo asked completely confused by this interchange.

"Duo, this is Desiree. My fiancée...your sister." Quatre introduced watching his reactions.

"Sister? But my sister..." Duo looked at her in disbelief and suddenly, as if hit by lighting, the realization dawned on him. "MY SISTER!" he shouted next and grabbed her up into a bear hug lifting her off the ground and doing something no one thought Duo would ever do--crying.

He pulled her away and looked her over. "I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead..." He grabbed her tightly again.

"Anthony?" she huffed after a few minutes. "Can you let go of me?"

Duo began rocking her back and forth. "Why?"

"I can't breathe," she said in a breathless voice.

"Alright we can continue the family reunion during the reception. Out both of you! We still need to get her hair done and now redo her makeup." Relena said starting to usher the men out the door. Once outside, she came out and closed the door behind her.

"Thanks Quatre!" Duo said in delight and grabbed Quatre up in the same type of hug he had just put his sister through.

"Your welcome. And Duo your stronger than you think you are cause I can't breathe either." Quatre stated after a couple moments.

"Oh sorry." He let go with a teary eyed look of happiness. "I've got to tell Heero and Wufei."

"Go ahead Duo...I need to talk to Quatre alone for a minute." Relena said with a smile.

Practically on the verge of dancing, Duo made his way back tot he other pilots.

"What is it Relena?" Quatre asked watching Duo start down the stairs.

"I noticed Trowa isn't here. Did he tell you why?" Relena asked somber.

"No. He just said he didn't think he should come." Quatre said sadly.

"Quatre..." Relena glanced at the closed door then back at him. "...Tonight you're going to have to take things slow." She looked down at the carpeted floor of her estate then back up into Quatre's worried eyes.

"Is it because she's a..." he blushed scarlet at the word "virgin?"

Relena considered for a moment or two. "Well, yes, partly. I mean she is a virgin and it will hurt her the first time...but after that..."

She watched the Arabian's blush glow even deeper. "I don't want to hurt her. Even the first time..." Quatre said looking away.

"Well you really have no choice in that...it's the will of Mother Nature there..." Relena stopped. This was so NOT what she meant to talk about. "Quatre..."

"You think if I sort of get her a sedative or something?" Quatre asked eyes brightening in hope.

He never knew it would hurt the woman the first time she ever made love. He didn't EVER want to hurt her or anyone again.

Relena had to choke down a laugh. "Umm Quatre, I don't think you'll need to worry about it... but what I needed to talk to you about is completely different. You see before she..."

"Hey! We gotta go! Car's waiting...we have to leave or we'll be late." came Abdul's cheery voice followed by the other three pilots and Rashid.

Duo was still being overly joyous at finding his sister again. "Heero, isn't it GREAT?!" Then he gathered the stern pilot in a hug.

"Get off of me!" Heero shouted.

Duo immediately let go and took a few steps back. "Sorry man. I'm just so happy."

"No one said you CAN'T be happy, Duo. Just don't include ME in it!" Heero said walking to stand next to his wife.

"Wu-man!" Duo said opening his arms for a hug.

"I DON'T think so." Wufei said and started to walk away.

Sulking Duo followed with Abdul and Rashid.

"Quatre, if you live through this ceremony, I'm going to kill you." Heero said in a serious voice.

Quatre's eyes widened. He knew in Heero's case that he just might mean it.

"Quit looking at me like a scared kitten, Quatre. Go to the car." Heero said a little more gently.

Still wide-eyed Quatre walked away. When he rounded to corner Heero gave his wife an inquiring look.

"Did you tell him?"

"I tried Heero. I tried." Relena said, her eyes narrowing.

"Are you going to try again after the ceremony?"

"No. I don't think I will" Relena said thoughtfully.

"Why not?" Heero asked harshly. "He needs to know."

"It won't do any good now. In the eyes of the kingdom, they're already married now that the contracts are signed. Besides he knows with his position there would be a price to pay." Relena said sadly. "Peace and the Colonies would never let either of them back out of it now Heero. I tried to intervene. Remember?" she asked looking at her husband who nodded. "There's nothing I can do."

"If you ask me, the price of our peace is starting to have a pretty high cost." Heero said with a glare then walked away to join to groom's party.

~~~~*~~~~

Aside from Quatre's disappointment of Trowa's absence, stumbling over some of the vows, and at one point his own name, then someone bringing a cell phone that started ringing during Desiree's "I do", and the same phone distracting them again when it was time to kiss, making them burst out laughing hysterically and Heero get up into the mike saying, "Turn the phone off or I'll kill you." left them only enough nerve to kiss chastely on the lips, the ceremony went smoothly.

Quatre beamed at his wife, who couldn't help but give him flirtatious looks. Over the three months they had been together, she did develop a fierce infatuation for him and both were moving into a close friendship. However, her own heart plagued her. She was still in love with another man. She was doing all she could not to be. She wanted to love Quatre, he deserved no less, but she couldn't deny the fact that her own heart was not ready to let the other man go yet. Being an extremely religious person, something that neither of the two men understood very well (but Quatre took it better than the other one did), she always felt guilty when with Quatre. She tried telling him several times but was always interrupted or lost her nerve. 'Maybe now all will come together. Dear God, you've chosen THIS man to be the one I spend the rest of my life with. Each day I understand the reasons why more and more but it hurts no less. Help me let go just a little of the other one. Please...' she prayed as they rode in a limo to the reception.

Quatre seemed even more nervous now to her than during the ceremony. She started giggling when she remembered him stumbling over his own name and how red his face was when he did it.

Quatre gave her a look of complete bewilderment. "What's so funny?"

She looked at him again then broke out into outright laughter.

"What?" he asked, a smile teasing his lips.

"Nothing..."she said unconvincingly through a laugh.

"WHAT?!"

"You promise you won't get mad?" she asked trying to bite down on the giggles.

"Yes. What?" he asked his eyebrows narrowing in suspicion.

"I was just thinking about how you looked when you messed up your own name. I'm sorry...it shouldn't be that funny but..."

She stopped when she saw him put his hands over his face in embarrassment. She completely stopped laughing when she saw his body shake with-- sobs? Her smile diminished.

"Quatre, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that...I..." her eyes got wide when he tore his hands away from his face and looked at her. He WAS crying-- but because he was laughing so hard.

"I know my middle name is now 'Rabern'..." he burst out then collapsed into the seat head laid back on the seat's top, a hand over his stomach.

Feeling safe to laugh again, she started to join in the merry glee. She was happy now. He didn't seem as nervous as he was. 

The laughter was enough to cause the limo driver to look back at them through the glass when he reached a red light. He gave them a look and turned around mumbling about driving lunatics around all the time.

Quatre looked at his wife through blurry eyes. She was so very beautiful when she laughed and he loved the way her laughter sounded. It was musical to him. He felt his heart beat even faster when her eyes opened and she looked straight into his. Both stopped laughing at the same time and she shyly looked away. He looked at her with mixed emotions and thoughts.

'I want to sit closer to her. Put my arms around her. Kiss her. But will she let me?' He had in three months come to care deeply for her. He had no regrets that he married her. He knew there were things that she wanted to tell him. Things she had TRIED to tell him. He knew it had to be important for he noticed how haunted and hurt her eyes looked when she began to. He always wanted nothing more than to kiss that hurt away. What was it that plagued his beautiful wife so deeply? He smiled when she looked up at him again with a gentle turn on her lips.

"Well, are you going to do it?" she asked to his confusion.

"Do what?"

She began to smooth out the wrinkles in her white lace skirt. "What you want to do." she answered quietly.

He blushed and turned away. Did she know Was it THAT obvious? He looked back at her then timidly he scooted over the seat until he was sitting as close beside her as he could get. He took her left hand in his right and laced his fingers through hers. He looked away again. He didn't dare go any further than that. THAT would be forced to come later tonight. He felt the nervous tension he had left behind for a few minutes come back. How can he do this? How?

"That's it?" Desiree asked with disappointment.

She was sure he wanted to kiss her. She was sure he had wanted to kiss her many times before this. They didn't need to be ...careful anymore, they were married. With a high degree of joy she realized she WANTED him to kiss her and that she was looking forward to the events that were to come that night when they left the reception.

He looked at her wide-eyed. "What else? What did you want me to do?"

Embarrassed, she turned and looked out the window briefly before meeting his eyes again. 

"I thought you wanted to... you know..." She timidly raised a hand to his lips.

He felt as though an electric shock went through his blood at her touch. But the type that felt weirdly good. "I... I do. Will you let me?"

Dumb question he knew. She wouldn't be talking about it if she didn't. But should he? His eyes were hungry for her he knew. But the question that persisted in his mind as of late was still there...why?

She nodded with a smile and gentle laugh. Still he hesitated. She turned to look back out the windows. 'He does want to. He's just holding back. Which right now is the LAST thing I need him to do' Her smile came back when she felt his hand under her chin turning her head to look at him.

His breath escaped him as her eyes met his yet again. 'Just do it!' he told himself. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. They were soft and tasted sweet to him. When he pulled back, he saw her open her eyes and raise her eyebrows inquiringly.

"More?" he asked hopefully.

She looked at him flirtatiously as she hooded her eyelids and smiled at him. He took that as a yes. He cupped her face in his hand, pulled her closer to him, and kissed her deeper. His mind began to whirl... He pulled back slightly, keeping his lips lingering two inches from hers.

"Again?" he inquired, then without waiting for an answer, pulled her as tightly against him as he could and met her lips again. The kiss became the deepest of kisses, permeated with passion. He swooned when he felt her arms encircle him.

Suddenly their car door opened to reveal three faces that were grinning ear to ear. Pulling away out of breath, they looked up at the faces of Duo, Hilde, and Wufei.

"Can't save it for the honeymoon huh?" Duo asked. "Glad your her husband Quatre cause now that I know she's my sister I'm going to be a bit protective."

The two newlyweds gave the three innocent looks and hurried out of the car.

"I think you two better make your presence known. Relena's going crazy in there trying to hold back the guests and photographers for you two." Wufei said.

"Hmm..." was all the answer Desiree gave him and hurried inside.

Wufei caught Quatre's arm. "I guess you didn't need my advice after all." he whispered with a smirk.

Quatre's eyes widened, then blushing, he rushed forward, catching up with his wife.

"I think they'll be alright." Duo said more to himself than anyone.

"It's too early to tell. Their lives together have hardly begun.' Wufei said walking forward to the building's doors.

"Yes but at least what we just witnessed HAS to be a good sign." Hilde chimed in.

Wufei stopped and turned to look at each one in turn. "We'll see."

Wufei didn't dare reveal that he was certain as well that things would be okay between Quatre and Desiree. They certainly started out better than he and his Meiren did. Meiren...no one knew that he had in fact loved her. Except if they looked down into his soul deep enough-- in his eyes then they would know he did. Just as he knew what not even Quatre realized yet...,that Quatre was in love with his Desiree.

~~~~*~~~~

"How do you think things will go tonight for them?" Heero asked Relena as they sat in the quietness of their room.

Relena looked up at her husband with a mixture of hope and worry. "I don't know. She tried to tell him again you know."

"What happened?" Heero asked helping her pull her nightgown over her when she somehow got lost in it.

"Someone interrupted them again. I think this time it was Rashid. It's like there are forces at work preventing anyone form telling him." Relena said in disgust.

Heero picked up the book he had been reading and opened it. "Think she'll try again?"

"No. I think she's more worried about getting HIM through tonight." Relena said with a smile.

"I know, he stayed until he couldn't any longer." Heero said shaking his head not allowing Relena to see the smile on his face.

"You should've been there when we were talking about how we had to help her get the gown on," Relena said with a laugh.

"Why?"

"Let's just say when we told him how he'd have to also help her out of it and tried to show him how to unhook the buttons, I was afraid he'd faint!" Relena said giggling.

"This is going to prove to be a most interesting night for them." Heero said setting the book aside as he saw his wife was ready for bed and turned out the light.

~~~~*~~~~

Holding two medication bottles up to the light, Desiree's brow furrowed.

"Now should I take these so I don't know what's going on?" she said indicating one then the other " Or these so I won't care?"

Hilde had given her both of them, saying she thought she would need them. At the time, she didn't think she would. But she knew it was going to hurt the first time and she was beginning to admit that she really was a nervous wreck too. She wanted SOMETHING to calm her down. The knowledge that it WOULD hurt made her barely controllable. She knew Quatre would be as gentle as anyone could ever be... but still...

"I don't know if I can do this." Quatre said from behind her.

He had said nothing for almost an hour. Just occasionally giving her a nervous and worried look. He seemed like HE needed one of these things too.

"We don't have to you know. I could just tell them we did." Quatre said looking at her from the other side of the bed. "I mean they don't check for "the blood" anymore so I could just say..."

"Quatre " Desiree cut in "they'll still know. After two people make love they always act different towards one another. For better or worse."

She had noticed this and came to know the signals herself between couples. He closed his eyes and nervously licked his lips to moisten them. She put the pills down and scooted herself to him, laying her hands on his shoulders. Slowly she began to massage them. He was SO tense.

"I don't want to hurt you." he whispered as he stared at the carpeted floor.

She stopped massaging his shoulders and neck and snaked her arms around his waist resting her head on his back. She felt his body somehow tense up even more at the contact. 'If anyone should be worried about hurting someone, it should be me over you.' She could tell him now. No one would dare interrupt them right now. But she couldn't... something inside her made her want to keep him from pulling away. The same something wanted him to hold her in return. Touch her, kiss her... make love to her. She didn't know what it was. Was her prayer already being answered?

"I suppose getting drunk is out of the question," he said with a hint of amusement, shifting to turn to look at her.

"If we were going to get drunk... we'd BE drunk by now.' she said at the same moment wondering if it WOULD be a good idea after all.

They had both drank up to their respective physical limits at the reception knowing yet another limo driver would come to take them to the hotel they were staying in.

He leaned back into her arms resting his head on her shoulder with a sigh. "Well at least I helped you get out of your dress without freaking out," he said more to himself.

He could see why she needed help once she tried to get out of it herself. The buttons were held in their holes so tight that even he had trouble getting them undone. But then his trembling hands probably didn't help matters.

"Quatre, you know what our problem is?" she asked in a voice one used when telling a dark secret.

"No...Please tell me." Quatre said as he turned his head to look at her.

"We're thinking about this too much." Desiree answered with a smile. Quatre smiled and pulled himself up.

"Still I know it will hurt you. I don't know if I could with that knowledge," he said sadly.

"That proves my point right there," she said turning him back around to face her.

Tentatively, she put a hand on his cheek, leaned in, and proceeded to kiss him deeply. His lips were soft and gentle, tasting of cool mints. She enjoyed his mouth against hers. The kiss was long and became more heated when he responded to it and encircling his arms around her, pulled her closely against him.

She didn't need to tell him. There was no need. Time would heal the wound until only Quatre was the one in her heart. But what about now? With that thought she broke the stream of kisses the first had become. 'I do have to tell him. I can't do this without him knowing.' She looked into his eyes. 'He cares too much for me as it is. He must know before we go any further.'

"Quatre, I have to tell you something," she said noticing how hungry for her his eyes had become.

She pulled out of his arms, and got off of the bed, and walked to the center of the room. His eyes followed her every move.

"What is it?" he asked seeing a worried look on her face. He got up and stood in front of her. He lay his hands on her shoulders "Whatever it is... tell me."

Desiree's eyes began to shimmer with tears. He deserved better. This was going to hurt him. A knife somewhere inside of her heart began stabbing her as she looked into his eyes.

"Quatre, before we were betrothed I was involved with someone."

Quatre's lips turned up slightly on their ends. He had already guessed that much. "Okay ...go on."

"I, we..." she felt a tear slide down her cheek as se spoke "fell in love with each other. We..." He stopped her speaking with two fingers to her lips.

"I understand Desiree. I know you're not in love with me. You don't need to explain any further." Quatre said.

All this he had figured out on his own. Only pain of the heart he realized could hurt someone in the way she was hurt. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Another reason why I didn't think you'd want to. I don't want to do anything that you don't. I..." It was her turn to stop him from speaking.

"I want to," she said with conviction.

"Are you sure?" he asked just to be on the safe side.

She put a hand on each of his hips and stepped forward, closing any gap for personal space between them, pressing their bodies firmly together.

"Just kiss me." she said and pulled his head down so his lips would meet hers.

~~~~*~~~~

Quatre awoke still at twilight to the sound of muffled sobs. Trying to make himself figure out where they were coming from, he realized they were coming from the shivering body he held in his arms. Despite how groggy he was his concern made his numb mind awaken. Slowly he shifted to sit up and look over the shoulder of his wife. Even in the near absent light he could still see her red eyes and tears.

She looked up at him then buried her face in her pillows so he couldn't see it. Inside, he felt his heart begin to break. Her face came out of the pillow enough that he could hear her muffled words. "Didn't want to wake you."

He slid the arm that was still around her waist up to her shoulder. He could only think of one reason why she would be crying. "I hurt you, didn't I? I didn't want to. I... it was too soon for us to do this."

His heart broke even more at the thought of it. She was crying for her lost love. The only one she probably ever thought that the intimacy they had shared just a few hours before would be with. The sight of him, his touch, probably revolted her. Quickly he withdrew his arms and hands and any part of his body that made even the slightest contact with her skin away. Scooting away to the other side of the bed, drawing his knees to his chest, and putting his hand over his face, he said, " We won't do this anymore. Not until we're both ready."

He lowered his hands from his face and hugged his legs to his chest as he looked over at her. She was looking at him through teary eyes.

"I promise I'll never..." he stopped. The pain in her eyes and his heart was overwhelming. "Maybe we can still be friends. I..." He didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know what to do. "I never meant to hurt you in any way. I didn't mean to hurt you..." He put his hands back over his face as he looked away feeling tears of his own coming on.

She looked on-- crying harder. 'I've hurt HIM. He didn't hurt me. How can he even think...? Our night together could be described as nothing but. Both times we had been... together in the night. I didn't know it could be like that. I never knew any man could be so gentle... except the other man who is forcing us into this... this tango. Only he could compare. Yet, I wish I had never met him. I wish I could love this man before me wholeheartedly. If only I didn't fall asleep tonight. Then these tears wouldn't have come. In my dreams, he is always there. He won't let me go. And I have hurt this innocent man who is now my husband because he didn't know how deeply... he won't let me go Quatre. He just won't let me go.' She let out a soft moan and her own tears made her spasm. It kept her from speaking.

Quatre fought off his own tears enough to swing his legs out of the bed and say " I'll go. I won't trouble you anymore with my being here any longer. If you need anything, I'll be in one of the other rooms."

The whole floor had been reserved for them so he knew he could have any room he wanted. He pulled a robe over himself and got up. He took a step froward but was halted by a firm pull on his arm and Desiree screaming "NO!!!"

He peered down at her. The look she was giving him made his soul ache. She placed a soft, wet kiss on his hand, as she mumbled "Don't leave me."

How could he deny her? He fell back into the bed as she pulled on his arm. She moved over to the other side of the bed to give him room to resituate himself. As soon as she saw he was comfortable and turning to look at her, she moved over to his side and slid back down to lay on her side facing him. She put her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. Hesitantly, Quatre followed the motion by holding her tight. Her grip around him occasionally would squeeze tighter as Quatre listened to her sobs and felt her tears drop unto the exposed areas of his chest.

Finally, she spoke through them. "You didn't hurt me. But your right..." She was forced to stop as she choked on her own tears then continued "I can't love you like this right now. I want to... but I can't. Not THIS intimately. I can't."

"I understand." he said softly.

"I..." She stopped as she buried her face in his chest for a moment. "I... don't want to be alone tonight." He felt a hard shiver course through her. "Don't leave me tonight. Please... don't leave me."

Her voice was needy and sorrowful. But what could he do? He felt a tear stream down his own cheek. " I won't leave you. But Desiree, how can I ease your pain?"

She squeezed him tight again. "Hold me."

Quatre inaudibly whispered okay and drew her body as close to his as he could. It was all he knew to do.

~~~~*~~~~

THREE MONTHS LATER...

"Trowa won't you come? Please?" Quatre begged of his friend over the phone.

Desiree looked up at her husband from her book. She shook her head in a gesture of bewilderment and frustration at her husband's situation. What kind of best friend do you call yourself when you won't even come to your best friend's SISTER'S wedding? Let alone his own? She watched with pain as she saw Quatre's face begin to drown in disappointment.

"But why?" he asked hiding only barely how he felt. "I see. Well your still welcome to come if you think you can make it." Quatre said hanging his head.

Desiree glanced at Rashid who stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his face expressionless. He always seemed so... cool to her.

"Okay, bye." Quatre hung up the phone and stood with his hand clenched into fists. He looked up at Desiree with hurt eyes. "He isn't coming."

"Why?" she couldn't help but ask.

"He says he has prearranged engagements that he HAS to attend." Quatre answered a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"I'm sorry I know how much it meant to you that he'd come." Desiree said putting down her book, getting up, and crossing the room to stand by her husband's side.

He wanted to cry Desiree could tell. In their six months together, they had learned to read each other. When the other was upset, happy, nervous, and so on. She had also learned how much he cared about Trowa. He was in Quatre's eyes like a brother. She put her arms around him and gave him a gentle squeeze. He put his arms around her as comfort. It was something they did a lot. Only it was usually the other way around. They slept in the same bed off and on because there were times when Desiree and sometimes Quatre couldn't bear to sleep alone. Each found solace in the other's warming embrace. He always came to her room. She had yet to step foot in his. They had done nothing more than hold each other and on rare occasions kiss in the nights they were together.

He pulled away and began to walk while he held her hand. He shook his head. He didn't understand Trowa at all. It was if he was avoiding him. But what did he do?

"I don't understand. He's supposed to be my best friend." Quatre said aloud.

Desiree sighed, her growing affection for him making her heart ache. She wrapped her arms around him as they walked across the room and out the door.

Rashid watched them leave then stepped around the desk and looked at the two photos Quatre had there. One was of his young master and Trowa, the other a picture of his wife. He glanced back at the one of the two pilots together.

"He IS your best friend Master Quatre. That's why he doesn't come."

~~~~*~~~~

SEVEN MONTHS LATER...

'How did I let Quatre talk me into this?' Trowa wandered through the halls of Quatre's estate as he followed a servant to Quatre's study. 'It had to be the pleading in his voice. I shouldn't have come. I KNOW I shouldn't have come. But I missed him so. I know he won't understand why I stayed away... if he did there's a possibility he'd hate me. I wouldn't blame him because even I suspect my own motives for being here right now.'

Finally they stopped at the doors to the study and Trowa was let in. Before he could look around to get his bearings he was greeted with an enthusiastic "TROWA!" and seconds later grabbed up into a strong hug.

"I'm so glad your here!" Quatre exclaimed letting go. Trowa could swear the blond was on the verge of jumping up and down. He had to keep himself from letting the ends of his mouth turn up at the corners. "Come in and sit down."

Quatre walked ahead and sat back down at his desk. Trowa followed taking in eyefuls of architecture and sat down across from him.

"You've had it redecorated...?" Trowa asked.

"Just repainted. I didn't care for the yellow walls much. So I chose a sort of nearly white blue." Quatre answered looking around the study.

"It's a nice change."

"Have they showed you your quarters yet?" Quatre asked.

Trowa looked back at his friend and had to keep from smiling. He was always so eager to please any of his guests, servants, or family who were staying with him.

"Yes they're very..." How could he put this without making it sound too flowery? "... pleasant."

"I'm glad. You will stay a couple of days after the wedding won't you?" Quatre asked hopeful.

"Maybe but I had planned to leave the next evening."

Quatre's face fell. "Well, you're here for three days. So I guess we'll have to make the most of it. Desiree had to go out for the night. She's helping Sally. Then Heero, Relena, and Wufei will both be coming here this evening to stay. Then the wedding is tomorrow and finally we'll have a whole day to catch up!" Quatre said in practically one long sentence.

"When will your wife return?" Trowa asked curiously.

"Tomorrow night." Quatre's brow creased when he noticed Trowa seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. "Are you okay?"

"Yes...just tired I think." Trowa glanced over at the picture on Quatre's desk. His breath escaped him briefly when it fell on Desiree's picture. He shut his eyes tight as emotions flooded all his senses.

"Are you sure? You looked flushed." Quatre said as he leaned forward and laid a cool hand on Trowa's forehead.

Trowa looked at him with eyes filled with pain. 

"I'll be okay Quatre." He lied. He wasn't okay he thought he could control it but it hurt so much.

"What is it?" Quatre asked seeing through it.

Trowa cleared his throat and his expression of emotion. "Your wife?" He nodded at the picture.

Quatre looked at the picture and then picked up the frame to look at it closer. A dreamy eyed look came to him. "Yes. Photos hardly ever do her justice. She's so beautiful." Quatre ran a finger over the picture's glass, then looked up at Trowa. "She's Duo's sister you know."

"She is?" Trowa asked surprised.

"Yeah. They just found out when we were first engaged. You should have seen the look on Duo's face when he found out." Quatre said starting to giggle.

"I can imagine." Trowa said allowing a slight smile to come to his face.

Quatre looked back at the photo. "She's only been gone one day and I already miss her." Quatre said after a couple long moments.

Trowa had to keep himself from letting out the same wail his heart did. 'He loves her. He loves her with every ounce of his being. Oh God! I shouldn't have come yet. I shouldn't have come for a long time from now. But I can't go back. It might hurt him more. Surely, he knows. If he gets hurt, it's my fault. I can't let that happen. What will he do when he finds out that I am the other man in his wife's heart? How can I keep him from getting hurt? She's better off with him... but as for now once all this comes out someone is going to walk away from this hurt.'

He looked up into the face of the young blond who was engrossed in his wife's features. 'It has to be I who'll walk away alone. She belongs to him and her vow to him is forever definite. He can give her all the things I never could and more important he'll be there when she cries. A promise I can't keep as a solider.

He doesn't know it but it was better when I wasn't here. But I suppose this meeting was inevitable. I just wish I wasn't the other man who stood in the way of your wife's heart being given to you. I'm sorry Quatre...I'm so sorry.

~~~~*~~~~~

Quatre stood with the nervous groom Duo and Desiree.

"Think your going to make it? You look a little pale." Quatre asked Wufei.

"Of course. I've done it before. There's nothing to it." he said with a weak smile.

"Your nervous." Duo said point blankly.

"No I'm not." Wufei protested.

Duo laughed. "Oh yes you are. You look like your ready to pass out. But don't worry. THIS is nothing. Wait 'til your first little one comes." Duo finished with a smile.

"I'm not having any kids." Wufei said disgusted.

"Then you shouldn't be here man! That's what I said and I've got three! Two came in one package!" Duo said giving Wufei a slap on the back.

"That's YOUR problem." Wufei hissed.

"And according to Hilde, it's YOUR fault too!" Desiree said with a giggle.

"Hey! She helped!" Duo said defensively.

Duo looked at Quatre who was wide eyed and turning a steady shade of crimson. "Oh man!" Duo said with a chuckle "YOU'RE next you know."

Quatre's head swung around and he looked at the brown haired pilot wide eyed, then at Desiree when she started giggling. He turned his back to them and looked toward the door. He smiled widely when he saw who came through the door.

"Trowa! He finally made it!" Quatre excused himself and started making his way through the growing crowd. The others except Desiree followed.

Desiree looked ahead gasping and feeling a panic set in. She stopped herself from dropping her bridesmaid bouquet when she put her hand to her mouth. Breathless she whispered " Triton."

~~~~*~~~~

The wedding went on without a hitch except for Duo and Hilde's daughter and Heero and Relena's son trying to beat the tar out of one another during the ceremony. Now at the reception the pilots gathered around the groom with raised eyebrows and peculiar looks, watching him intently. Wufei was almost teary eyed.

"There she is. Isn't she perfect? Every detail exactly proportioned just right. Not too much or too little. EVERY detail wonderful and formed just so." he stepped to his side and bent over putting his head on his arms that were crossed on the table. He stared on dreamy eyed. "It can't get any better. It's going to be wonderful. And she's mine-- all mine." A tingly sensation went down his spine as he thought of it. A smile etched his features. "I'll never forget her. I'll remember her as long as I live."

The others continued to look on wide-eyed. Trowa shook his head. 'He's totally gone... he's nuts.'

"It's just SO right. So JUSTIFIED... so..." He put his fingers to his lips and made a kissing motion. "It's perfect. Absolutely perfect."

"Are you going to eat this thing or am I?" Duo exclaimed breaking Wufei out of his revelry.

"Yeah, it's a sandwich... not the Holy Grail." Quatre said looking at Wufei as if he was insane.

Wufei looked at the two annoyed, picked up his sandwich, and left to go back to the wedding table. 'There's just no justice in the world for the perfect sandwich'.

"Oh GOD! That guy has one OVERLY developed sense of justice!" Duo said with a wild gesturing of his hands.

"You'd think he was talking about Sally with the way he was going on." Quatre replied.

"PLEASE DON'T go there!" Duo said holding his hands up in a stopping motion. "I mean have YOU ever heard him talk about her? He's even WORSE about it than he was just now! Before we left for Quatre's estate last night, Desiree was on the verge of killing him when he started!"

"Well it just goes to show how much he's in love with her." Trowa said quietly.

The rest all looked at him as if he was some sentimental poet. Quatre smiled shortly after. He realized Desiree was his main topic of conversation anymore. Could he be in love with her? He over at Wufei and Sally as they stole a kiss when they thought no one was looking.

"They look adorable together." Quatre said his thought aloud.

He was given the weird glances next. "Speaking of adorable..." Duo pointed ahead to Desiree who was holding Duo's daughter Alisa in her arms "isn't she beautiful?"

"Which one?" Heero asked not sure if he meant Alisa or Desiree.

Duo shrugged. "Both I guess. I know Alisa is, what do you think? Isn't my SISTER beautiful?"

"Yeah." Trowa and Quatre answered in one voice. They exchanged small smiles with each other then looked at Duo.

"Glad you agree with me." Duo said with raised eyebrows in Trowa's direction. He turned to Heero. "What about you Mr. Yuy?"

Heero eyed him then looked at Desiree as she put Alisa down who started to run to Duo. "She's attractive " Heero said when Alisa stopped in front of her father and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Ready for cake?" Duo asked her. She nodded with a smile. "Okay... up we go!" he said cheerily as he took her in his arms and carried her off.

"Have you met Desiree yet Trowa?" Quatre asked with a smile.

"Well actually..."

"Come on!" Quatre said not really hearing Trowa begin to answer him.

They crossed the room to where Desiree had found a seat. She looked up with a smile then it turned to a wide-eyed look when she saw Trowa. She stared at Trowa for a long moment then looked at her husband. Quatre noticed it, his brow furrowing as he looked in her eyes. 'Have they met before? She looks pale, scared, and worried... and the pain I thought was leaving her slowly is there.' He looked at Trowa. The same look was in his eyes and face. Then the expression disappeared from both of their faces.

Quatre shook it off. Tentatively he spoke "Desiree, this is Trowa Barton, my best friend. Trowa, my wife Desiree."

He saw a weak smile come to his wife's lips as she stood, meeting only up to Trowa's chest. She extended a hand to him. "Trowa."

"Desiree." Trowa acknowledged in return, a hint of... something in his voice.

"Umm... if you'll excuse me, I need to see if Relena needs my help with anything." Desiree said formally and promptly left the two.

Quatre looked up at Trowa. His head was downcast, his eyes shut tight. He looked down at his hands- they were clenched into tight fists.

"Have you met before?" Quatre asked him softly.

Trowa opened his eyes and looked at the blond with eyes that said he did and told the missing part of Desiree's former love-- it told Quatre his name. It was Trowa, his best friend. No wonder he had stayed away. He felt relieved at knowing who it was. Anger for what forced pain on his wife and best friend, and somewhere inside betrayed.

"Yes, we've met." Trowa said softly. He saw the look in the Arabian's eyes. The pain. 'He knows.'

Quatre nodded. He looked around and caught Duo trying to get his attention. His expression was somber.

"I think Duo needs to tell us something." Quatre said and began to walk to him. Trowa followed a few steps behind.

When they finally stood in front of the man with the trademark braid, he pulled them back into a room away from the reception. Inside Heero waited with Rashid and Relena.

"What is it?" Quatre asked when he saw Relena look up at him gloomily then turn away.

"I think you'll need to sit down for what I'm about to tell you." Relena stated looking back up at Quatre.

Quatre took a seat with the feeling of a student being sent to the principal's office.

"Quatre, we've found out finally how Desiree's foster parents died." Relena stated then looked at her husband.

He nodded and took over. "We've just received a fax with the complete report. You know her parents died in the Gundam Wars...?"

"Heero, just tell me." Quatre broke in.

"As you wish." Heero took a deep breath before telling his news. "They were victims of a massive explosion of a Colony." Heero looked down surprisingly dejected, then back up hesitantly. "The Colony was destroyed by a single Gundam."

"Oh my God!" Quatre exclaimed putting his hands to his face. His eyes began to shimmer with tears. "I killed..." he swallowed down the convulsive catching of breath while he tried to hide his weeping. "I killed her parents."

"Yes Quatre. They were on a routine trip to the Colony. Desiree always stayed behind with a friend because she hated transports." Relena said trying to hide the emotion from her voice. She couldn't bear to look Quatre in the face. It registered too much pain.

They all stayed silent for several minutes until Heero said, " Come on. He needs some time alone."

When the door closed again, Quatre let loose on his tears. He leaned forward banging his fists on the couch's armrest, then buried his face in his arms. He jumped when he felt a soft touch on his back.

"It wasn't you who killed them." he heard Trowa say behind him.

Quatre spun around in frustrated anger ready to lash out at anything. "YES! Yes it was!" he saw in his mind the Colony blow up before him and remembered what had driven him to it. "I was desperate with grief. I..."

"THAT was another you. You didn't know what you were doing. Your father's death increased the Zero system's hold on your mind. Quatre... they were simply in the wrong place at the right time." Trowa tried to reason.

"But THAT doesn't change anything! I killed so MANY people with that one act. How am I going to tell her? HOW Trowa? How?" Quatre asked burying his face in his arms again.

Trowa thought for a moment. "You won't have to."

Quatre looked up at him through blurry eyes. "How can I NOT? I can't keep this from her."

"I'll tell her."

Quatre looked away.

"I'll explain things to her. What caused it to happen. Let me tell her." Trowa pleaded laying a hand on Quatre's shoulder.

Quatre nodded and gave into another wave of tears.

~~~~*~~~~

Trowa, Desiree, and Quatre sat silently around the breakfast table. Every now and then Quatre would notice an uncomfortable look would pass between Trowa and Desiree. He had to keep himself from weeping. His best friend was his wife's lost love and he, Quatre Raberera Winner, was the murderer of Desiree's parents. He saw another uncomfortable look pass between the two, then saw Desiree push her plate away.

"I'm done. Excuse me." she said standing and left the room in a noticeable hurry.

"So am I." Trowa looked at Quatre. "I'm going to tell her now."

Trowa stood, exchanged a look of dread with Quatre, and left to find Desiree. Quatre put his hands together and bowed his head in silent prayer. He loved her. He knew it now but all he wanted-- could even hope for now was her forgiveness. Surely, he could never achieve her love now in return.

~~~~*~~~~

"I've told her." Trowa announced to Quatre in his study.

Quatre looked up with worried eyes. "What did she say?

Trowa shifted and past a moment in thought. " She didn't say anything. She just slapped me, then collapsed in tears." He didn't think he should tell him the rest. Tell him how he worded it. That it was in his arms she collapsed in wails and spasms of grief. That he held her for a long time to comfort her. Quatre was upset as it was. Though it was innocent, it could give the wrong impression.

"She slapped YOU?" Quatre asked feeling a weight added to the one he had felt in his stomach already. 'She hates me. She'll never forgive me.'

Trowa stood motionless, unknowing as to what to do. Both jumped when the doors flew open and Desiree came in, eyes red from crying and filled with fire. She looked at Trowa through narrowed eyes as she approached the desk Quatre sat at. They locked eyes as Quatre stood.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. He didn't know what else he could say.

"Why didn't YOU tell me before now?" Desiree demanded.

"I just found out how they died last night. I didn't know until then. I would have told you." Quatre said bowing his head, closing his eyes. Tears were threatening him again.

"I see." She turned to leave. Quatre came around the desk and caught her arm.

"Desiree, please, I... I can never forgive myself for taking so many lives. especially your parents. Please..." He couldn't fight the tears anymore.

"What?" Desiree asked in bewilderment.

"I can never excuse myself for destroying that Colony, Desiree..." Quatre fell to his knees now, feeling weak with sobs and spasms.

Desiree looked up at Trowa her own eyes growing noticeably misty. "But you told me..." A tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheek. " You made me believe... why?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry." Trowa said his face devoid of emotion. Inside he was aching. He never knew anything could be as painful as this thing called love. Love for a friend... love for a woman.

Desiree looked down at the shivering form bowed below her in tears-- too upset to know what was going on. He looked up at her with heart broken eyes. " I don't even have the right to ask it... but can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Her eyes became an ocean depth of torture at the memories she now recalled. Memories of her parents, of her time with Triton as she knew him then, Quatre this... this innocent killer.

Quatre bowed his head from her gaze once more. "I'm so sorry." His frame became rocked with even far more violent spasms of sorrow. The kind that could make one sick.

She realized he truly was sorry. She always imagined the person responsible for her parents' demise to be cold blooded. Unashamed for the pain he caused. Her eyes softened as she slowly-- but almost took it away-- reached a hand out to lay on his golden crown. She was sobbing her own tears as she ran her fingers through his hair and spoke. "Yes, I forgive you."

A sound that could have been a wail or a laugh came from Quatre's throat as he flew forward capturing her petite frame around the waist in his arms. He cried hard into her shirt's material as he squeezed her tighter, not wanting to let go. He felt her arm wrap around his shoulders and the other one begin to stroke his hair. She looked up at Trowa whose expression was one of heart broken pain and sympathy. She pulled the man in her arms still closer as she felt his hot breath against her body even through the clothing she wore.

"I need to be alone." she said, her voice absent of feeling.

She felt Quatre pull away. He stood up and looked at her with red rimmed, turquoise eyes.

"I understand."

He walked away with an air of fragility. He sat down at his desk and swung his chair around so no one could see anymore the tears he would shed.

~~~~*~~~~

Triton stopped when he saw her. She was seated. As he drew closer, he saw she was more or less laid down on the bench in the gardens, crying her heart out. He stepped forward and stepped on a twig announcing his arrival. She looked up at him with hurt violet- blue eyes. He took a breath and crossed the rest of the way to stand in front of her. For several seconds they only stared at each other.

"Why?" she burst out. "Why did you tell me YOU were the one who destroyed the Colony? Why did you want me to believe YOU killed my parents?"

He stared in her eyes for several more seconds not knowing how to answer her. She stood up and stepped closer to him.

"Tell me." she whispered. When he still remained speechless she shot forward grabbing both sides of his jacket and gave him a slight shake. "TELL ME!"

"I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want you to hate him. He's your husband. He... CARES for you." Triton said, his face void of emotion, his voice thick with it.

"You didn't think I'd forgive him?" Desiree asked as a tear streamed down her cheek.

"I wasn't sure. I know how much you loved them. How much they meant to you. I remembered how much hate was in your voice when you spoke of their deaths and when you spoke of wanting to find out who had done it. I know until we met... until things with Quatre started that they were all you ever thought you would care about and needed." Triton raised a hand and wiped a tear away. "I thought it would be easier that way."

"Easier? To think that the man I fell in love with and promised to marry THIS time- THIS year was my parents murderer and had been lying to me for over 2 years! WHAT would be easier?"

"For you to fall in love with him if you thought it was me. Do you? Do you truly forgive him Desiree?" Triton asked his heart pleading to whatever God there was that she did.

"Yes, you know I never lie Triton. Or is it Trowa? WHO ARE YOU?" she yelled. "Which one is your name? Who did I fall in love with?"

"I told you my real name. You fell in love with me. The REAL me. I never held back on you. Other than Quatre you were the only one to know the real me." Triton said fighting emotion from showing and being heard.

She nodded; her tears subsided by anger. "Then tell me WHY my parents died. Why he did it." Her eyes grew cool.

"Because he was sick with grief. The Colony he came from-- THIS Colony denounced his father's leadership and led him to his death. Quatre saw it happen. He came back in a Mobile Suit with a system labeled 'Zero'. It eliminates all obstacles. It tells you who your enemies are... and makes a pilot not even fear his own death so victory over the enemy will be assured. It ALTERS one's thoughts." Triton tried to explain, memories of his own Zero experience surfacing. In voluntarily he shuddered.

"So what he did was go insane for a time." she said simply. "I didn't know about his father. He hardly ever talks about him."

"I understand his reasoning now. The Colonies became his enemy. My parents were simply in the wrong place at the..." she choked on a lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. "I probably would have blown up a Colony too, " she said harshly. " But WHY did you have to say YOU did it? Why not Heero or Wufei-- even Duo?" Her eyes began to shine with new tears. "WHY did you have to say it was YOU? How can that make things easier for Quatre and me? You're his best friend! And I... HOW?" she shrieked through an effort to control angry, hurt tears and emotions.

Weakened by the effort, extremely violent sobs shook through her body as she fell forward against his chest. Slowly he embraced her, feeling his own bottled up grief begin to climax. "Because I also thought that if you hated me, it'd be easier to walk away from you now."

A gasp came from the woman he held in his arms. He had wanted to hold her for so long, hold her close but knew he could not, that it hurt. He wanted to hold her the way he used to, tight as a lover would his dearest. She was clinging to him so much and he felt so weak. He pulled her tighter, closer, practically unwittingly as he lost the battle of not giving into holding her as he desired. He shut his eyes tight as she responded in kind. After several moments, a wail came from her as pushed him away.

"We can't do this," she said with pain stricken eyes.

He grabbed her hand. "I can't control what my heart tells me to do. Tell me you want me to walk away now or else I fear I never will."

Inside his heart screamed. His mind, his logic, his loyalty to Quatre and respect for this woman whom he held dear, racing and warring with his emotions and mind. His mind wanted her to say it; his heart begged her not to.

Her heart was being stabbed over and over. 'Why did I ever have to love him? I've already betrayed Quatre by just giving Triton just one moment... Why did it have to be him?' In a violent explosion of tears and emotion she shook her head to try and clear it, gazed at Triton through blurry eyes filled with longing and heartbreak, then turned around and ran as far away from him as she could.

~~~~*~~~~

As Quatre looked down at the two in the gardens from his library window, he felt heartbroken. He watched as she abruptly pulled away from Triton's embrace and say something. He saw her hand in his when he grabbed it, lost in the moment, and he said something in return. She shook her head, gave him one last look, and in a new fit of tears fled from Trowa and out of view.

'She still loves him. He still loves her. Now I know why it was hard for me to even talk him into coming to Wufei's wedding. He wanted to stay away... I wonder if it was best when I hadn't known.'

"Quatre?" he heard Relena ask behind him.

He had not even heard her come in. He turned to look at her. She came up to the window and looked out. A flash of what looked like pain crossed her features as she immediately looked away. Then he realized what she had been trying to tell him on his wedding day.

"How long have you known?" he asked softly.

"A month before she came to you. I tried to intervene with the marriage proceedings as soon as I found out. I tried to tell you." Relena looked at him briefly then back outside. "I tried."

"I know." Quatre choked on his own voice. "Why did they choose her if they knew she was in love with Trowa? Why?" Quatre asked looking out the window seeing Trowa sit down on the bench, lean forward, and he saw a sight that frightened and hurt him more, a shiver run through the turned away body. He was crying-- crying alone.

"The Council has no respect or caring for people's hearts and emotions... they only see what is for the better good of the people. They knew, despite her own feelings; once she took her vows unto you she would never break them. Never." Relena said as she watched Trowa as well.

"This marriage- thanks to them- has caused nothing but pain and suffering. I can't stand to see either of them hurt so," Quatre said with harshness and grief.

Relena turned to him. "Trowa didn't want to hurt you with this. He wanted to stay out of the picture long enough for the fires that burned between them to die. However, you are like a brother to him. The last thing he ever wanted was to cause you grief." She laid a hand on Quatre's shoulder.

"He knew you would fall in love with her, and given time she would return your love. He wanted to stay away long enough for at least that much to happen. So when he did come his presence wouldn't interfere." She looked down with a sigh. "He also knew how much his staying away hurt you. The last time, he said, when you asked him to come to Wufei's wedding, your tone of voice made him want to cry. He couldn't stand to hurt you anymore. He could hear you crying the last time over the phone.

"So he thought maybe, despite his own feelings... he hoped her heart would have over the past year turned to you. Now with all the newest information that came out about her parents, the hiatus of your marriage itself, and now you finally knowing the truth about Desiree and Trowa. His coming made it all start turning upside down. He was going to marry her Quatre." She saw Quatre's face become even more dejected.

"I didn't know that," he said softly. He shut his eyes when he saw Trowa below collapse to his knees in tears.

Relena's face became more solemn. She nodded.

"I've taken everything she ever loved away from her," he said as he felt a tear slide down his cheek. "How can she have forgiven me?"

"No. You didn't take everything she loved away." Relena said putting both hands on his shoulders. "You gave her back Duo. You loved her and were there for her when she cried-- when she needed someone the most. It is true that she is still IN love with Trowa... but she does love you. That is why she could forgive you."

Quatre staggered for a moment then looked up at her with such emotion it almost scared her. She went back to the window and watched Trowa. "Two men love the same woman. She loves one but wants to love the other. Each one knows silently in his or her heart one man has to win and the other will lose. Both men knowing who the victor will be and the defeated. In a sense, you have thus engaged in an intricate dance of hearts. The beat all three of you dance to keeps changing. One time it is slow, seductive, inciting-- others wild and unrelenting, forcing you to bump into each other on the floor. One partner, knowing he is spent, tries to dance further away and out of sight, yet seeing the second is in need is forced to cut in, only to be pushed away by both partners a second later."

Through eyes that spoke determination and a voice that spoke truth, she continued " He IS your best friend Quatre. He isn't trying to take her back because he knows, despite how it hurts- she's yours. He wouldn't have told her..." Relena stopped abruptly.

"What did he tell her?" Quatre asked alarmed.

"He told her HE was the one who destroyed the Colony." Relena looked away. Trowa had come to her and told her what he had said to Desiree.

"WHAT? Why?" Quatre asked unbelievably.

"One could say it was one last desperate act of a man in love with his best friend's wife... he wanted to... kill her love for him." Relena said bitterly. "It was all he knew ho could do. He can see that you love her and he knows he has to come out of this alone."

Quatre looked up at the ceiling with an exasperated intake of air then back out the window and shut his eyes tight. All this pain. All this weaving in and out of situations- problems. "Even after he told her that... she still loves him," he said quietly.

"Yes, love forgives all things." Relena said looking down then back up at him. "Which is why she also has forgiven you."

"I can't bear to see her hurt anymore!" Quatre blurted out.

Relena's brow creased. What was he saying?

"I'm going to let her go. It's the only way. It's the only thing I know to do. You're right this is a dance of hearts. Only I have to got to bring it to an end." Quatre looked at her with heartbroken yet determined eyes and turned to leave.

"Quatre!" Relena called. "Why? Don't you...?"

"I have to. I love her too much and I don't want her to grow to hate me-- if she hasn't already. I have to let her go." he said and left the room.

"He doesn't understand does he?" Relena said to herself. "She took a vow to him. Even in light of this... it's almost impossible to believe that she'll break it. Don't you understand? She won't leave you Quatre- even for love."

~~~~*~~~~

Somber, Quatre sat at his desk in his personal study. He was about to make one of the most painful decisions he had ever made in his life.

"Master Quatre? Trowa is here to see you at your request." one of the servants informed at the doorway.

He nodded. Quatre forced himself to gulp down the copper taste coming into his mouth that made him want to cry. He looked up at the doorway as Trowa's lean figure stepped into the study.

"You wanted to see me?" Trowa replied his face expressionless, his eyes pained.

"Yes. Please come in and sit down." Quatre said gesturing to a seat while he found his voice again, shaky as it was.

Trowa crossed the room and sat in the seat farthest away from Quatre.

"As you probably have guessed, I know about..." he looked down at his wooden desk. He couldn't look into the eyes of his friend. They would mirror a pain he was now going to feel acutely. He forced himself to look at him finally despite it."... you and Desiree. As well as what you told her about the Colony's destruction."

"Quatre...I ...we..." Trowa stammered and for the first time in a long while Quatre saw up close unmasked emotion creep over Trowa's face as he looked away.

Quatre held up a silencing hand. "You don't need to explain. You met before the... decision... and I know why you told her what you did." Quatre turned away feeling tears threatening to surface. He swung his chair around to look out the windows. As long as Trowa didn't see how much this would hurt, he could do this. "She loved you." Quatre said as he felt a tear break free from his inner prison that until recently kept his tears locked within. "She STILL loves you. And I..." Quatre stopped to gather the strength to continue "... I want her to be happy. She isn't happy with me and for that reason, I want you to go to her tonight and take her with you. I'll divorce her... set her free so she can be with you." Quatre finished as he bowed his head and let a sob rock through his small body. Over the years, he had grown tall but his body frame remained small.

He heard Trowa move behind him and moments later felt his hand on his shoulder. "You love her..." Trowa paused as if he was afraid of the answer even though he already knew it "don't you?"

Quatre's bent head came up but he still did not look up at Trowa. He didn't answer him.

"Quatre I wish none of this had happened. I know she'll be upset when she finds out she has hurt you. I'm..." he stopped, removing his hand from Quatre's shoulder. He turned to look at the scenery below. "... sorry we've hurt you. I shouldn't have come here."

"I asked you to come." Quatre pointed out finally finding his voice.

"I know." Trowa bowed his head. "But I still shouldn't have."

"I'm sorry too." Quatre said in a gentle voice.

Trowa met red rimmed eyes. "That I came?"

"No. For causing either of you pain." Quatre stood. His tears had gone, but the pain was still there. He stepped forward and looked down at the Colony. "I want the pain to end now. Please Trowa... go to her. I set her free from this." Quatre said masking every raging emotion within.

He felt like a master setting a slave free. But wasn't that what she felt like? A slave? The thought turned his stomach. He was angry, sad, relieved... empty. But not one of his mixed emotions registered joy. They couldn't, his heart was breaking.

"Quatre..." Trowa began 

"Trowa! PLEASE JUST GO!" Quatre snapped as he closed his eyes tight.

Trowa took a step back. Quatre looked up at him again. Tears fell down the Arabian's cheeks in a steady stream.

"Trowa just go..." he whispered.

A pained, worried look came upon Trowa's face, but was quickly swept away with the look Quatre was familiar with- no expression. Trowa turned and walked across the room. When he came to the door, he stopped and turned to look at the hunched over, pain stricken man at the windows. He stared intently at the Colony below him.

"By the way, the name is Triton... and please don't jump."

Quatre turned around, shocked at the mere suggestion, but Trowa, or rather Triton, was gone. Then with a flicker of horror he realized that he HAD felt like jumping to end the agony of his heart.

~~~~*~~~~

"Come." Desiree answered the knock on her door as she sat in her unlit bedroom looking out the window over the night-shrouded gardens.

She heard someone open the door, close it, then cross the room to stand behind her.

"I've spoken to Quatre." she heard Triton's voice say behind her.

Desiree swung around to look up at him then she quickly looked away. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore. It was wrong. She belonged to another. Another who in her heart she was starting to look at with different eyes. One she was beginning to admire and care for beyond their established friendship. But yet, she still loved another man. She had made a vow of love to both. Only the one that she had to obey above the other was the one that hurt the most to do so. But it was a vow to God that she made that she would love Quatre, hence she must obey. Was it possible to be in love with two men at once? It was immoral to love Triton... immoral.

"Quatre told me to take you with me tonight." Triton said after a few minutes.

She looked up shocked. "WHAT?"

"He says he will not let you stay with him if you are unhappy. If you want to be with me... if your heart is with me. He says he'll divorce you to be with me." Triton said in a wave of sentences, that not even he could believe what he was saying.

"But what about the Alliance? The things we were married for?" she asked standing.

"I don't know. He doesn't seem too worried about it." Triton whose face betrayed none of his emotions, but his eyes were a window to the torn pain, worry, and in a selfish way, happiness.

"I don't believe it. " Desiree said turning, walking away and stopping in front of her four-poster bed. She grabbed one post, hung her head, and put a hand to her forehead.

Triton wasn't sure what to say or do as he watched her.

"Desiree, he wants you to be happy..." Triton began to explain when she cut him off.

"Even at a cost to himself?" Desiree said her voice clearly breaking.

"Yes... I don't agree with it either. I hate to see him this way, but he all but ordered me to do as he bid." Triton said remembering the pain in Quatre's eyes. It was a look he wished he never had seen.

"He's in love with me." she said as she gripped the post with her other hand and bent forehead on it crying.

"Yes." Triton confirmed crossing the room to meet her.

"Now after all this time would you do the same thing if you were him?" Desiree asked her head coming up still turned away.

Triton looked down then around him finally his gaze settled on her turned back. Would he? Again? The idea of it hurt him more than any wound he had ever received. There was a time when he might have... when in a sense he did but now that things were the way they were he couldn't even imagine it. It hurt too much to think of it.

"I don't think I would." he said honestly.

She nodded. "I can't go Triton."

Somehow, he knew she would say that. He knew of her unconditional loyalty. She took a vow not unto him but to Quatre and God. She would not break it.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked bitterly.

"There nothing to say." Triton replied hanging his head shutting his eyes tight.

It hurt. It hurt so much. Yet, not in a way he thought it would. The two had lost something in their year apart... or even in that one lie he told her only hours before. Their loved had cooled off in someway.

"Don't you want to know why?" Desiree asked with a hint of harshness.

"I know why. You made a vow to him. You would never go back on it." Triton said.

Tears were tugging at him to be freed as a merciless knife began stabbing at his heart over and over. He loved her. They could, if they were together again, gain back whatever it was they had lost. He would always love her,. deep down he knew a part of him always would.

"Yes, partly." she said turning and meeting his gaze. Her eyes were almost cruel despite the pain he knew she also felt. "But I know there was a time when you would have done the same thing as Quatre if I were in love with him and not you. Because you couldn't bear to see me in pain. and vice versa. I would have done the same for you if you were in love with someone else. There was a time wasn't there?"

"Yes there was a time when I would have." Triton stated realizing what she was getting at. They loved each other but not enough anymore to continue. His heart gave out a wail at the realization.

"And I you. But the other reason is..." She turned away. "... he loves me more than you do. His pain would haunt me for my whole life with that knowledge. Triton... I love you but I don't think I'm IN love with you as much as I was and you are not as much in love with me as you once were. We've lost that somewhere. I believe I keep your heart and your mine by a vow we made...one that is no longer valid. For that, reason I can not turn away from the one who does love me... the one who is IN love with me so much. I can not hurt him this way. THIS much. I would never forgive myself. It would destroy me. I know the pain as do you that Quatre would experience... if Quatre isn't careful it would destroy him. Because I know when I left you that is what almost happened to me.

"Therefore I have to let you go. It is I who must set you free Triton, and believe me when I say it hurts... almost more than I can stand. The vow we made to one another is no longer relevant, no longer valid. It is wrong. You stay because we are one in the same with our loyalty; you will not release me until I release you. But as we both know the vows I made to Quatre cancels out any we had made before." She began to cry again. "In my heart I'll always have an affection for you but I can not go with you... not now."

Triton nodded his agreement. Everything she had said was true. She had said all of it for them both.

"Then I guess there's only one thing left to say." he said meeting her gaze with eyes that he could feel were beginning to become red.

She nodded. "Good bye."

"Yes." he whispered.

Before he could stop himself he grabbed her by the shoulders and embraced her tightly. She wrapped her arms around him seconds later then both pulled away at almost the same instant. Triton turned and walked to the door, then turned back to her, exchanging one last look through misty eyes. 

"Good bye Desiree. Please tell Quatre that I won't be here for any of his parties for awhile yet."

She nodded and watched with tear filled eyes the door close behind him, and on that portion of her life, opening a new chapter; one that she would not hold back on anymore. Stepping over to an intercom she had near her bed, she pressed the button to hear Rashid's voice answer.

"Yes Mistress Desiree?"

"Can you ready a car? I need to go... shopping."

"Where?" Rashid asked obviously confused. Surely she had everything she needed.

"The... well I'll let the driver know when he's ready." she answered.

"I'll let Master Quatre know your going out." Rashid said.

"NO!! Don't tell him anything. This is a surprise for him," she said vaguely.

"I see..." Rashid answered obviously bewildered. "As you wish."

Desiree sat down on her bed and glanced at the photo on her bedside. Their wedding photo.

"Yes, Quatre, for you."

~~~~*~~~~

He had piled himself full of work for hours now. Now all he could do was done. He couldn't even dust his study now. Quatre couldn't avoid the thoughts... the PAIN anymore. He drew in a deep breath. Her scent was in the air. He had come to find it comforting, but now it made it feel like his heart was being torn out of his chest and trampled on. He hit the button on his intercom.

"Rashid, has Trowa... Triton left?" he asked trying to hide the pain in his voice.

"Yes, over two hours ago."

"Thank you." Quatre said in a near whisper.

She was gone now. She was now going to be happy. Shouldn't he be feeling somewhat happy as well? He'll never have to worry that she would continue hating him. Even though she never said she did. In a way, in the end, she seemed to begin to look at him as more than a friend. But now he'll never know until the next party or ball.

He hungered to see her again. Just a glimpse. Something. He rose from his desk and silently willed himself to his study door down the halls and to his room. Without turning on a light he took off his clothes and not even thinking about taking a shower climbed into bed only clad in his boxers. He stared at his ceiling for a couple of minutes. The weight he felt on his heart becoming heavier. He turned on his side but on the stand, even in the dim light, he saw the copy he had of their wedding photo. He could see HER. Choking down a sob, he rolled over on his side, eyes closed, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a soft touch on his cheek wiping the tear away. In a fluid movement he rolled over, reached down and grabbed the dagger he kept between his springs and mattress, then swung around, his knife held at the ready. He stopped abruptly when he heard a female screech and saw the face staring wide eyed beneath him.

"Desiree?" he whispered in disbelief.

She eyed the dagger he held looming over her unknowingly at the moment. He looked up at it then dropped it down the side of the bed to the floor. His brow creased in confusion. He put a hand to her cheek. Was she real? Was he dreaming? He needed to touch her to be sure. When he felt the contact with her soft cheek, he felt like crying again.

"I thought you were gone. I thought you left with Trowa."

His head was swimming. She was here. She didn't go. This can't be real. It can't be.

"Is that any reason to try and kill me in our bed." she asked sarcastically.

"Our bed?" Quatre asked. What was she saying?

'Yes our bed. I've been so wrong Quatre so very wrong. Can you forgive me?" she asked raising a hand to his cheek.

"For what?" Quatre asked. His mind was in a whirl. Her touch set him on fire... a fire that filled him with joy.

"For not realizing what YOU were going through. For not telling you the things I should have. For... hurting you," she said in a mixture of humiliation and pleading.

Quatre stared down at her as if she were a vision. He brushed his lips on her hand where it lay on his cheek, then stared in her eyes for a moment. "You love Trowa... you were in love with Trowa. I thought you'd go. You didn't know... of course I forgive you."

"And Triton... Trowa?" she asked in a squeak. "Can you forgive him?"

Quatre looked away and considered. "Yes I can forgive him."

She shook her head as a tear fell from her eyes. "I've been so stupid... so selfish. But you aren't in any way. I'll never forgive myself for it." It was not until now that she did truly believe he loved her as much as she had thought when she has spoken to Triton.

"DON'T torture yourself over it. There's nothing to forgive- either of you." His eyes she swore almost sparkled. "You're here... you're here." Quatre said softly.

He bent down and kissed her lips softly. "I love you. You don't need to linger on it... it's enough that you're here. I love you."

A serious look came to her features as she raised herself to sit up. "Quatre you need to understand something."

Quatre's blissful face became etched in concern.

"I don't love you. I mean I DO love you... I'm just not IN love with you. But I'll do all I can to remedy that... to love you, be in love with you even more so than I had been with Triton. I WILL Quatre. I just need time." she said hoping he understood.

"I understand. I won't push you." Quatre said putting a hand to her cheek again. He leaned in to kiss her when she stopped him with a hand on his lips.

A teasing smile was on her lips. "Quatre..."

She got out of the bed and faced him. Slowly she took her tied back hair down and undid the robe she was wearing. Quatre gasped when the robe fell to the floor. Her body was clad in a pale blue nylon transparent material with intricate lace decorating the top portion of the gown.

"You like?" she asked turning around like a model on a runway. It showed off EVERY part of her body and then some.

"Very much." he replied a blush coming to his cheeks.

"I suggest you SHOW me how much." she said kneeling back on the bed a suggestive content in her voice.

"Really?" Quatre asked in disbelief. She wanted him to make love to her? He shook it off and complied with the mood. It didn't take much for him to feel amorous with her. He encircled her waist and pulled her close to his body.

"PLEASE... show me." she whispered in a sultry tone.

"I'll show you." He pressed her even closer to him and cupped her face in his hand. Keeping his lips teasingly lingering to hers he spoke I PROMISE I'll show you."

He brushed her lips softly then kissed her lips more forcefully and without pulling away for air deepened the kiss. All the passion and love he had for her he channeled into his lips. She responded hungrily.

When they pulled away breathless she said " I promise I'll love you."

Quatre smiled as he lowered her down to lay beneath him on the bed.

"I promise." she said in a vow, wrapping her arms around his waist and shoulders and met his lips for another passionate kiss.

~~~~FINIS~~~~~

~On even the strongest love makes it's scarring marks

In an intricate dance of hearts

Just as it can on an earthly angel's wings

Let a heart take flight and beautifully sing


End file.
